[ Everything about her reaction is just guaranteeing he's going to do it again, and again, and again. Not least of all that smile.
Maruki sets off with her, immediately taken aback by the idea of Venat in her youth. He looks over at her with a wild little grin. ]
You did tell me once that you were a researcher! I've wondered about it ever since. Nothing beats finding something that sparks your interest enough to chase down every bit of information you can...
[The mental image isn't that different, Maruki! Picture Venat exactly as she is now, except in a black robe.]
I found some answers. And in doing so, I found that the more I learned, the less I knew. Each answer raised more questions, revealed more things I did not understand. And with each new piece of knowledge, I came to understand, more and more, how very miraculous the world is.
[Venat may be looking ahead, but what she sees is her memories, from so long ago.]
Something I learned is that the existence of life is inevitable, under the laws that govern nature. It cannot help but arise, as surely as a dropped ball falls, as surely as the sun rises. Do you see why that makes it so incredible, so miraculous?
[ Just as they discussed earlier, it's the same for both of them – only the scope and scale changes. Psychology and cognitive psience led him to much the same conclusion, on an individual level. Perhaps not life itself as a concept, but everyone's unique lives are amazing miracles.
There's a warmth in his chest that's difficult to pinpoint. ]
That's always been one of the beauties of research, to me. Sometimes you find more meaning in the questions and mysteries that arise than you do in any answers.
[ What he knows has filled many hundreds of thousands of words. What he doesn't know could fill a library. It's why he'll never stop learning. ]
But yes, I do see that. It is incredible, isn't it? Life is a stubbornly resilient thing.
But more than that. [The silly, personal laughter of the lift has faded, replaced by Venat's usual radiance -- shining brighter than usual, as she recalls a time of such pure joy.] If life is the inevitable conclusion of the rules of this universe... then the rules of this universe are such that life is the inevitable conclusion. If but a slim chance existed for mankind to arise, then mankind would be the miracle. Instead, we must look at the mechanism.
[ All told – and as much as he would genuinely treasure the experience – Maruki doesn't need a ride from Argos for his perspective to expand so universally. Talking to Venat has a way of doing that alone. If his mind is not on the individual, then it's on planes of reality; the rules of the universe aren't something he finds himself naturally thinking about, just by virtue of such a mortal, limited worldview.
But he'd like to. He'd really like to begin to consider humanity on that level.
So he looks over at her, takes in that luminous delight that he's coming to appreciate on a new level, and nods. ]
Everything, Maruki. Were any natural law, any rule of matter or energy, the slightest bit different, then we'd have no guarantee to exist. Instead, every fundamental aspect of reality operates in harmony to make our presence here inevitable.
I realized that, sitting there, staring down at my final proof. And in that moment, all my preconceptions and notions of possibility were swept away. [Her eyes are distant again, her gaze up in the leaves above but seeing little of them once more.] And I felt some powerful existence, fate perhaps, had us in its gentle embrace. Infinite, yet intimate. Intimidating, yet reassuring as well.
And in the next moment, I realized how very fragile all creation is. How that slightest difference would have dispelled it all, how absolutely improbable every sight and every sound and every moment of time was.
[ He should focus on the path that they're walking, but he can't help but watch Venat as she speaks so passionately about the very concept of life itself. It's so–
Maruki has always loved philosophical discussions of all kinds, even debates, but it truly is a subject like this that's the one closest to his heart. Ever since he was old enough to understand how improbable it was that human life developed on earth, no matter how much of the science behind it he learned, he never stopped considering it a miracle. Fate, as Venat said, with a guiding hand. ]
In my reality, I once read that the odds of life developing on our planet were one in ten billion trillion. A number I can't even conceive of! It never ceases to amaze me, how much had to go exactly, precisely right for that to happen – and, as you said, how easily it could have all disappeared into the ether if even one thing went wrong.
[ He looks away from her then, up at the sky with its stars peeking out as they exit the tree cover closer to the summit. ]
How absolutely improbable indeed... It makes everything that much more special, doesn't it? Everything. Even the ugly, horrible, painful things.
Just so. No longer did I see the rules as underlying reality -- rather, all was one, the mechanism and the result so profoundly intertwined that to separate them was to lose all sense of both. In that moment, I felt swept away, and all my notions of what is true and possible vanished. If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done.
That very day, I began my travels. To see the world, to hear its voice, feel its breath. Knowing full well that every single thing I experienced was unique, both in that moment and in eternity.
[Even now, so much later and after so much, the words hum with unbreakable joy.]
And though the ugly, horrible, painful things shall come no matter what, each of the ones we live through shapes our lives forever. One needn't rejoice at the pain and suffering one endures, but for the joy and delight that follow.
[She turns back to face him as they emerge from the trees, her smile faintly sad but her delight in all things undiminished despite that.]
If not for the losses and pain we both endured, we would not be here, having this conversation at this time, on this pleasant trail in a beautiful world, beneath the stars. Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now. We cannot know, and wondering about it is rather pointless save for amusement, is it not? Instead, I am glad for this moment, though the road to reach it had its fair share of pain.
If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done. She's right, she likely knows intimately that she's right, but she's also right on a level that Maruki feels deep in his blood and bones and grey matter. Any dream you want can be achieved, he knows it all too well.
But then, by that same token–
Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now.
Any dream you want can be achieved, but you may not want to be the person you had to become to achieve it. He's seen it twice now, been the cause of it both times – you can know, he can be the one to make it so. This isn't the first time regret has begun to percolate in the back of his mind for what he's done, but it is the most significant. As sad as it is to say, he never saw any value in a life with pain until now.
Venat cannot possibly know how significant this conversation has been for him, but some of that open awe and gratitude likely shows on his expressive face. ]
I'm glad too. Really, more than I can say.
[ And then he reaches out and takes her hand again. Not for support on the hike this time, leveling out as they get closer to their destination. Just to hold, with a gentle pressure. ]
I do think about it, sometimes. Whatever confluence of events in my life led to my captivity here... I don't know. Maybe it worked out for the best. Back in our reality, Akechi-kun and I never would have had reason to meet, and he's become someone important to me here. And, of course, I wouldn't have met you. That would make it worthwhile all on its own.
Edited (hhhHH WORDS okay last edit jesus) Date: 2024-06-18 06:27 am (UTC)
[The moment, the realization, the understanding, the sheer epiphany... it had changed her life. In a moment, she had been born anew, remade, refashioned, and repurposed. To share a mere fraction of the impact it had on her is all she can ever ask for.]
[Again, his hand is in hers, and it is odd. Not unpleasant, merely new and unusual. Something she could perhaps get used to, if he continued to do it.]
I do not know if any of it is 'for the best'. Indeed, I think were our lives to take different paths, what we think of as 'the best' would be very different. But I would not trade anything I have now for a different path, of that I am as certain as I have ever been of anything. Every path is painful, after all. But every path is unique, as well.
That very day, I set off on a journey. To travel the world, hear its voice, feel its breath. To see every last miracle, every unique facet of this fragile, wonderful existence of ours. And what I saw was... beautiful.
[Up ahead, the edge of the trail at last. The cliffside, and its overlook across the small, cozy world that is theirs, for now. Venat doesn't run, but she does tug his hand gently, urging him to hurry and come see the view.]
[ Rest assured, this evening has solidified that he is going to continue doing it.
Some days, what he left in Tokyo feels like an even stranger dream than what he's encountered in Somnius. The blood red sky, the manifestation of his own will, the sudden innate understanding of the collective unconscious underpinning everything that they do, and the tools handed to him to begin peeling back those layers of reality and affecting his change.
He still wants to return. He still believes he has important work to return to. But a conversation like this is exactly what is needed to begin to poke holes in that grandiose plan of his. Maruki will need to think on it later, alone, and then again when his powers are finally returned to him – but in this exact moment, what he was about to do, about to become, feels as foreign to him as a story about millennia spent in the aetherial sea first did.
Something in his heart twists. A distortion undoing itself, bit by bit.
He understands what Venat is saying. He even agrees. But for him, this is for the best. He knows it. ]
It's a rare thing, I think, to be able to carve out a path for your true purpose as wholly as you did. I'm so glad you were able to. You really are–
[ Whatever he's about to say dies on his tongue as he's pulled up to the overlook, laughing a little at her eagerness, and then forgetting to breathe at the sight.
The sleepy little town, the businesses, the humble homes, the smattering of castles. Lights still glowing in some of the windows. The labyrinth, dark and endlessly twisting, and the great towering fortress off in the distance, barely visible. The lush greenery of the woods, the expansive night sky. Everything, all of it.
Maruki tips his head up, hand still tangled in Venat's. ]
There's so much light and pollution from the city I live in. This is the clearest view I've ever had of any stars. Wow...
Lands that stretched on forever. Skies one could drown in. The heartbeat of nature, silent yet strong.
[Words she's spoken before. Words she'll doubtless speak again.]
An amidst it all, a people. Beacons of light and life. Laughter that warmed my heart like naught else before.
[She turns slightly, looking at him while keeping the view in her periphery.]
What I learned, then, was my purpose. Traveling was but a mere part of it. For one person seeing life's miracles is nothing, not when so many people are a part of it. And I knew then, so long as they needed help, I could not return to the star. Until I knew they would find their way.
[The sudden blink catches her by surprise, as does her need to life a free hand and swipe away a tear that threatens to escape. She remembers those final moments, after all. The courage, the conviction, the certainty in the words. "We will find our way." What she had fought for, and pressed on for, and believe in, sometimes against all evidence to the contrary. What seemed for a while to be a faint and painfully distant hope, when she was at her weakest, all alone down there in the aetherial sea. The moment till mankind no longer needed Hydaelyn. No longer needed Venat.]
[Her tear is not sadness, nor grief, nor pain. It is an upswelling of so many emotions she has yet to truly grapple with.. and joy is chief among them.]
[ It has never been lost on Maruki, what he first learned of Venat, what started them down this path of their relationship: That she had at last been ready to relinquish her long work and rest, and found herself here instead.
The words settle between them with the gravity the deserve: Until I knew they would find their way. What a profoundly beautiful and painful thing, to finally see that come to fruition, to know that things are set to continue on without you, and to accept the end.
He's watching her, so of course he sees her catch the tear. And there's no part of him that thinks it's a tear of sadness. That wouldn't be congruent with her story. The emotion behind it is likely vast and deep in all its layers and complications.
Venat got the measure of him easily when she saw that he hadn't ever really dealt with the grief of his own story.
If he understands her a fraction as well, then he thinks he understands why that tear might have threatened to fall.
Wordlessly, Maruki turns and folds her into his arms.
He's good at this. Always has been. One of his very few true skills, despite how complimentary Venat is of him. He hooks an arm around her mid-back, squeezing in tight despite the voluminous robes to draw her close, then lays the other higher up, sliding his arm beneath hers. A hand cradling against the back of her head, exceedingly gentle, just enough of a touch to tuck her head into his shoulder.
His voice is quiet, and tender, and absolutely unyielding in how genuinely he means this. ]
Your journey was a long one. You can let yourself feel the weight of that... and of its ending. Feeling it's the only way to eventually release it.
[ A lesson he needs to take to heart too. He will, for once, eventually. For now, he only hugs Venat close. ]
[The gesture, and the words, do their trick -- or at least a trick, for Venat finds herself laughing as she (again, quite awkwardly) returns the gesture.]
I must say, everything went just as I had hoped it would, except for my inexplicable failure to dissipate into the aether as I spent the last energy within my soul. And I must defend myself by saying I had no way to prepare for an event that by all rights should have been quite impossible!
[ It cannot be overstated that the awkwardness is part of the charm.
Maruki laughs along with her – it really is an absurd situation in so many ways, especially when it flies in the face of all that you know about the way the cosmos works, especially when that knowledge is as intimate as it is for Venat.
And then, in the silence that follows, a thoughtful hum. ]
It's a strange thing, isn't it? To get what you've hoped and worked so hard for. Everything works out, and that should wrap it up neatly and tie it off with a nice bow, but so often it only brings up more feelings, more questions.
[ And as for failing to dissipate–
He had asked her, back in that dreamtime Shujin office, if a part of her would have wished to continue living. She was the first person he met who arrived in Somnius after what should have been certain death, or something like it – he's had time to refine that theory since.
Maruki hugs her tighter for a brief moment before relaxing his grasp enough for them to speak comfortably, able to look at one another without being in quite such close quarters, but still loosely held in his arms.
There's a cool breeze up atop the cliff. Sure. ]
This might be a gauche question... Certainly, it seems like something that the people here aren't eager to talk about, so you're welcome to deny me an answer. But what was it that you supposedly wished before gaining consciousness here?
I've not the slightest idea. I remember naught of it. Like as not a side effect of my aether being forcibly restrained or reconstituted or some other process I can barely comprehend.
[This is an oddly long hug. Not that she is objecting, for it's quite nice, but she can't help but feel confused. Still, well understanding that she is out of social practice for some few millennia, she accepts the confusion and continues on despite it.]
I have told you this, but at the end, I was ready to let go. Spending time here, however, I wonder if that is entirely true. The more I have the chance to view new things, and meet new people, and rediscover my love for mankind on a personal level, the less I feel as if I have been extended unnaturally, and the more I feel that -- well, perhaps my story has ended, but I have gained a pleasant epilogue, one in which I've the chance to be Venat once more, instead of Hydaelyn. Mayhaps I secretly wanted that.
It makes sense, he supposes, especially in Venat's position. He has to wonder if any of the other dreamers who died in their realities would run into the same problem. Asking outright would be tactless, out of the question – and it might tip his hand a bit too much.
There is no part of Maruki that thinks the "wishes" they made will be granted. At best, they're carrots on sticks. At worst, they're part of the manipulative mechanisms that draw people in and keep them captive. It's those mechanisms that he wants to uncover and understand. There are other ways. Learning more about the wishes is just one of them.
But those thoughts that bend more toward the conspiratorial are far from his mind at the moment, focused solely as he is on Venat. He hums thoughtfully. ]
Maybe you did. Maybe... You were ready for that particular life to end, but not life in general.
[ A half-shrug, a somewhat sheepish smile. ]
I don't know, it makes sense to me. After everything you did, for as long as you did it, you'd be well within your rights to want a chance not only to rest but to simply... be yourself.
[ The embrace has relaxed enough that when he drops one arm away to run a self-conscious hand through his hair instead, he now has the other loosely wrapped around her back as he turns out a bit to look out over the view of Somnius again, the stars overhead. ]
Whether you wished for the chance or not, I'm glad that it was given to you either way. You deserve to just be Venat, and I'm happy to have gotten the chance to meet you as her.
[This inspires a soft laugh from Venat, which without warning becomes a brighter one, her weight unconsciously shifting to lean on him slightly for support as she gives it voice, without restraint.]
An excellent counselor indeed! A simple statement to open up a whole world of possibilities and questions I'd not even realized. "A chance to just be Venat," yet who is 'just Venat'? I've no idea, in truth, for the line between the woman and the heart of a primal has had twelve millennia to blur and smudge. And at the same time I wonder it, you are helping me to answer. You are a marvel, you well ought to know that.
[She shakes her head, still breathing soft laughter that treads between mirth and confused delight.]
[ Maruki accepts her leaning into him gladly, tightens his arm a bit around her back and finds himself laughing along with her. It's easy, with Venat. He can't remember the last person it was so easy to find such uncomplicated joy with.
Or– he can.
It's been a very long time. ]
I promise there's nothing about this that resembles counseling! I mean every word I say as your friend.
[ You are a marvel, stated so emphatically, like it's a fixed point in the cosmos that Venat knows as well as any other. There's no room left over for him to question or doubt it. The compliment doesn't ping off in deflection; it simply sinks into the very matter of his heart.
They could go back and forth all night – if he's a marvel, then Venat is a wonder, on and on.
Some day. There's no shortage of time for their mutual appreciation circle to run rampant.
For now, Maruki's focused on this dichotomy that Venat is rediscovering within herself. He grins at her and then jerks his head away, back from the cliff's edge they stand so near, toward the clearing of the plateau. ]
Shall we set up our camp? And once we're comfortable, maybe I can ask you to tell me another story you can recall about a time when you were just Venat.
That is a complicated question to answer. [She turns back to him, letting her arms fall.] Creation magic requires being able to perfectly picture the item you wish to create in every aspect, and I do mean every aspect. You must understand its nature, its composition, its weight, its texture, its scent, its resilience, its elasticity, and so on and so on. Rather than recreate an item from first principles in our mind every time, we instead condense them into what you might best consider as mental packages. Concepts.
I possess certain concepts such as my weapons, my robes, camping supplies such as this, Argos... but if you were to ask me to create a rock from my home world, I would struggle mightily at best without a concept. In our time, we had an entire vault, Anamnesis Anyder, that held countless concepts and our full knowledge of all the laws of nature necessary to create more. And so those who wished to accomplish something would obtain a concept from there and refine it, then submit it for review and cataloguing in turn. For living concepts, we had an entire testing field devoted to determining if they were suitable for introduction to the star, or too flawed to be released.
[She has described creation magic enough times that she believes she understands what people wish to know about it -- but Maruki is about to get a little more than most.]
Of course, we have our own limits as well. Each of us possesses more or less aether from which to create. For some, a reasonable sized animal or familiar would strain their limits, while one of the most talented men I knew could conjure an entire city, with simulacra of its inhabitants, without draining himself overmuch. And in turn, many of us could join together to pool our creation magic... or sacrifice ourselves, to create beings that could accomplish what none of us alone could.
[ It makes sense – as much sense as it can make to a man who has never known or possessed that kind of power. His own ability to create is simultaneously more wide-reaching, less demanding, and still almost wholly unknown to him. Perhaps he would have done a better job if he had to know the level and depth of detail intimately enough to create concepts.
Still– he does understand. And it's fascinating beyond his wildest dreams. Especially a vault of concepts able to be tweaked and twisted and improved, a testing ground for new variations of life. The scientist in him is deeply appreciative of the concept (ha ha) alone, and the reality bending weirdo in him wishes he could have experienced it too.
But it's that last bit that brings this around to what he already knows. ]
I see...
[ Maruki hangs his satchel up on a tree branch before moving to sit at the edge of the webbed hammock, gently testing its stability. ]
Exactly so. Zodiark was in fact developed using the concept of 'deity' as a base, and some claim that even without any effort to make it so, the primal had such power as to temper the minds of men.
[Venat does not believe it. But she will at least credit that those who said it believed it, or told themselves they did at the very least.]
A magnificent example of accomplishing something through combined magic that no individual could have done alone. Proof, some have said, of the virtue and glory of our kind, that half our number would willingly and gladly sacrifice themselves to preserve the other half.
[Suddenly, almost violently, she shakes her head, then lifts it.] But that is a path down which dark memories and cold thoughts dwell, and those are less suitable for the present time than they might be at others. I find myself speaking so often of our flaws as a people and society that I neglect to mention how wonderful it all was, for century upon century.
[ Maruki still remembers everything she told him of that story. He's thought about it often, rolled it around in his head on nights where sleep is hard-won for his mind despite his body's exhaustion. It weighs on Venat, clearly– he straightens up as she shakes her head, such is the force of her trying to dispel the notion from their conversation. ]
I understand. We don't need to go down that road now, but you know I'll always listen in the future.
[ And then he offers her a warm smile before flopping back into the hammock with a little oof. ]
If there's anything you never do, Venat, it's fail to mention how wonderful anything was. I can tell that you have a deep appreciation for the society you came from, even with all that happened.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 03:07 pm (UTC)Maruki sets off with her, immediately taken aback by the idea of Venat in her youth. He looks over at her with a wild little grin. ]
You did tell me once that you were a researcher! I've wondered about it ever since. Nothing beats finding something that sparks your interest enough to chase down every bit of information you can...
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 03:19 pm (UTC)I found some answers. And in doing so, I found that the more I learned, the less I knew. Each answer raised more questions, revealed more things I did not understand. And with each new piece of knowledge, I came to understand, more and more, how very miraculous the world is.
[Venat may be looking ahead, but what she sees is her memories, from so long ago.]
Something I learned is that the existence of life is inevitable, under the laws that govern nature. It cannot help but arise, as surely as a dropped ball falls, as surely as the sun rises. Do you see why that makes it so incredible, so miraculous?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 04:20 pm (UTC)There's a warmth in his chest that's difficult to pinpoint. ]
That's always been one of the beauties of research, to me. Sometimes you find more meaning in the questions and mysteries that arise than you do in any answers.
[ What he knows has filled many hundreds of thousands of words. What he doesn't know could fill a library. It's why he'll never stop learning. ]
But yes, I do see that. It is incredible, isn't it? Life is a stubbornly resilient thing.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-06-15 04:36 am (UTC)But he'd like to. He'd really like to begin to consider humanity on that level.
So he looks over at her, takes in that luminous delight that he's coming to appreciate on a new level, and nods. ]
Well? What's the mechanism?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-15 04:13 pm (UTC)I realized that, sitting there, staring down at my final proof. And in that moment, all my preconceptions and notions of possibility were swept away. [Her eyes are distant again, her gaze up in the leaves above but seeing little of them once more.] And I felt some powerful existence, fate perhaps, had us in its gentle embrace. Infinite, yet intimate. Intimidating, yet reassuring as well.
And in the next moment, I realized how very fragile all creation is. How that slightest difference would have dispelled it all, how absolutely improbable every sight and every sound and every moment of time was.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-17 09:11 am (UTC)Maruki has always loved philosophical discussions of all kinds, even debates, but it truly is a subject like this that's the one closest to his heart. Ever since he was old enough to understand how improbable it was that human life developed on earth, no matter how much of the science behind it he learned, he never stopped considering it a miracle. Fate, as Venat said, with a guiding hand. ]
In my reality, I once read that the odds of life developing on our planet were one in ten billion trillion. A number I can't even conceive of! It never ceases to amaze me, how much had to go exactly, precisely right for that to happen – and, as you said, how easily it could have all disappeared into the ether if even one thing went wrong.
[ He looks away from her then, up at the sky with its stars peeking out as they exit the tree cover closer to the summit. ]
How absolutely improbable indeed... It makes everything that much more special, doesn't it? Everything. Even the ugly, horrible, painful things.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-17 02:06 pm (UTC)That very day, I began my travels. To see the world, to hear its voice, feel its breath. Knowing full well that every single thing I experienced was unique, both in that moment and in eternity.
[Even now, so much later and after so much, the words hum with unbreakable joy.]
And though the ugly, horrible, painful things shall come no matter what, each of the ones we live through shapes our lives forever. One needn't rejoice at the pain and suffering one endures, but for the joy and delight that follow.
[She turns back to face him as they emerge from the trees, her smile faintly sad but her delight in all things undiminished despite that.]
If not for the losses and pain we both endured, we would not be here, having this conversation at this time, on this pleasant trail in a beautiful world, beneath the stars. Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now. We cannot know, and wondering about it is rather pointless save for amusement, is it not? Instead, I am glad for this moment, though the road to reach it had its fair share of pain.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-18 06:17 am (UTC)If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done. She's right, she likely knows intimately that she's right, but she's also right on a level that Maruki feels deep in his blood and bones and grey matter. Any dream you want can be achieved, he knows it all too well.
But then, by that same token–
Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now.
Any dream you want can be achieved, but you may not want to be the person you had to become to achieve it. He's seen it twice now, been the cause of it both times – you can know, he can be the one to make it so. This isn't the first time regret has begun to percolate in the back of his mind for what he's done, but it is the most significant. As sad as it is to say, he never saw any value in a life with pain until now.
Venat cannot possibly know how significant this conversation has been for him, but some of that open awe and gratitude likely shows on his expressive face. ]
I'm glad too. Really, more than I can say.
[ And then he reaches out and takes her hand again. Not for support on the hike this time, leveling out as they get closer to their destination. Just to hold, with a gentle pressure. ]
I do think about it, sometimes. Whatever confluence of events in my life led to my captivity here... I don't know. Maybe it worked out for the best. Back in our reality, Akechi-kun and I never would have had reason to meet, and he's become someone important to me here. And, of course, I wouldn't have met you. That would make it worthwhile all on its own.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-19 08:02 pm (UTC)[Again, his hand is in hers, and it is odd. Not unpleasant, merely new and unusual. Something she could perhaps get used to, if he continued to do it.]
I do not know if any of it is 'for the best'. Indeed, I think were our lives to take different paths, what we think of as 'the best' would be very different. But I would not trade anything I have now for a different path, of that I am as certain as I have ever been of anything. Every path is painful, after all. But every path is unique, as well.
That very day, I set off on a journey. To travel the world, hear its voice, feel its breath. To see every last miracle, every unique facet of this fragile, wonderful existence of ours. And what I saw was... beautiful.
[Up ahead, the edge of the trail at last. The cliffside, and its overlook across the small, cozy world that is theirs, for now. Venat doesn't run, but she does tug his hand gently, urging him to hurry and come see the view.]
no subject
Date: 2024-06-19 09:55 pm (UTC)Some days, what he left in Tokyo feels like an even stranger dream than what he's encountered in Somnius. The blood red sky, the manifestation of his own will, the sudden innate understanding of the collective unconscious underpinning everything that they do, and the tools handed to him to begin peeling back those layers of reality and affecting his change.
He still wants to return. He still believes he has important work to return to. But a conversation like this is exactly what is needed to begin to poke holes in that grandiose plan of his. Maruki will need to think on it later, alone, and then again when his powers are finally returned to him – but in this exact moment, what he was about to do, about to become, feels as foreign to him as a story about millennia spent in the aetherial sea first did.
Something in his heart twists. A distortion undoing itself, bit by bit.
He understands what Venat is saying. He even agrees. But for him, this is for the best. He knows it. ]
It's a rare thing, I think, to be able to carve out a path for your true purpose as wholly as you did. I'm so glad you were able to. You really are–
[ Whatever he's about to say dies on his tongue as he's pulled up to the overlook, laughing a little at her eagerness, and then forgetting to breathe at the sight.
The sleepy little town, the businesses, the humble homes, the smattering of castles. Lights still glowing in some of the windows. The labyrinth, dark and endlessly twisting, and the great towering fortress off in the distance, barely visible. The lush greenery of the woods, the expansive night sky. Everything, all of it.
Maruki tips his head up, hand still tangled in Venat's. ]
There's so much light and pollution from the city I live in. This is the clearest view I've ever had of any stars. Wow...
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Date: 2024-06-19 10:14 pm (UTC)[Words she's spoken before. Words she'll doubtless speak again.]
An amidst it all, a people. Beacons of light and life. Laughter that warmed my heart like naught else before.
[She turns slightly, looking at him while keeping the view in her periphery.]
What I learned, then, was my purpose. Traveling was but a mere part of it. For one person seeing life's miracles is nothing, not when so many people are a part of it. And I knew then, so long as they needed help, I could not return to the star. Until I knew they would find their way.
[The sudden blink catches her by surprise, as does her need to life a free hand and swipe away a tear that threatens to escape. She remembers those final moments, after all. The courage, the conviction, the certainty in the words. "We will find our way." What she had fought for, and pressed on for, and believe in, sometimes against all evidence to the contrary. What seemed for a while to be a faint and painfully distant hope, when she was at her weakest, all alone down there in the aetherial sea. The moment till mankind no longer needed Hydaelyn. No longer needed Venat.]
[Her tear is not sadness, nor grief, nor pain. It is an upswelling of so many emotions she has yet to truly grapple with.. and joy is chief among them.]
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Date: 2024-06-19 11:38 pm (UTC)The words settle between them with the gravity the deserve: Until I knew they would find their way. What a profoundly beautiful and painful thing, to finally see that come to fruition, to know that things are set to continue on without you, and to accept the end.
He's watching her, so of course he sees her catch the tear. And there's no part of him that thinks it's a tear of sadness. That wouldn't be congruent with her story. The emotion behind it is likely vast and deep in all its layers and complications.
Venat got the measure of him easily when she saw that he hadn't ever really dealt with the grief of his own story.
If he understands her a fraction as well, then he thinks he understands why that tear might have threatened to fall.
Wordlessly, Maruki turns and folds her into his arms.
He's good at this. Always has been. One of his very few true skills, despite how complimentary Venat is of him. He hooks an arm around her mid-back, squeezing in tight despite the voluminous robes to draw her close, then lays the other higher up, sliding his arm beneath hers. A hand cradling against the back of her head, exceedingly gentle, just enough of a touch to tuck her head into his shoulder.
His voice is quiet, and tender, and absolutely unyielding in how genuinely he means this. ]
Your journey was a long one. You can let yourself feel the weight of that... and of its ending. Feeling it's the only way to eventually release it.
[ A lesson he needs to take to heart too. He will, for once, eventually. For now, he only hugs Venat close. ]
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Date: 2024-06-21 01:45 pm (UTC)I must say, everything went just as I had hoped it would, except for my inexplicable failure to dissipate into the aether as I spent the last energy within my soul. And I must defend myself by saying I had no way to prepare for an event that by all rights should have been quite impossible!
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Date: 2024-06-23 08:21 am (UTC)Maruki laughs along with her – it really is an absurd situation in so many ways, especially when it flies in the face of all that you know about the way the cosmos works, especially when that knowledge is as intimate as it is for Venat.
And then, in the silence that follows, a thoughtful hum. ]
It's a strange thing, isn't it? To get what you've hoped and worked so hard for. Everything works out, and that should wrap it up neatly and tie it off with a nice bow, but so often it only brings up more feelings, more questions.
[ And as for failing to dissipate–
He had asked her, back in that dreamtime Shujin office, if a part of her would have wished to continue living. She was the first person he met who arrived in Somnius after what should have been certain death, or something like it – he's had time to refine that theory since.
Maruki hugs her tighter for a brief moment before relaxing his grasp enough for them to speak comfortably, able to look at one another without being in quite such close quarters, but still loosely held in his arms.
There's a cool breeze up atop the cliff. Sure. ]
This might be a gauche question... Certainly, it seems like something that the people here aren't eager to talk about, so you're welcome to deny me an answer. But what was it that you supposedly wished before gaining consciousness here?
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Date: 2024-06-24 01:31 pm (UTC)[This is an oddly long hug. Not that she is objecting, for it's quite nice, but she can't help but feel confused. Still, well understanding that she is out of social practice for some few millennia, she accepts the confusion and continues on despite it.]
I have told you this, but at the end, I was ready to let go. Spending time here, however, I wonder if that is entirely true. The more I have the chance to view new things, and meet new people, and rediscover my love for mankind on a personal level, the less I feel as if I have been extended unnaturally, and the more I feel that -- well, perhaps my story has ended, but I have gained a pleasant epilogue, one in which I've the chance to be Venat once more, instead of Hydaelyn. Mayhaps I secretly wanted that.
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Date: 2024-06-29 06:37 am (UTC)It makes sense, he supposes, especially in Venat's position. He has to wonder if any of the other dreamers who died in their realities would run into the same problem. Asking outright would be tactless, out of the question – and it might tip his hand a bit too much.
There is no part of Maruki that thinks the "wishes" they made will be granted. At best, they're carrots on sticks. At worst, they're part of the manipulative mechanisms that draw people in and keep them captive. It's those mechanisms that he wants to uncover and understand. There are other ways. Learning more about the wishes is just one of them.
But those thoughts that bend more toward the conspiratorial are far from his mind at the moment, focused solely as he is on Venat. He hums thoughtfully. ]
Maybe you did. Maybe... You were ready for that particular life to end, but not life in general.
[ A half-shrug, a somewhat sheepish smile. ]
I don't know, it makes sense to me. After everything you did, for as long as you did it, you'd be well within your rights to want a chance not only to rest but to simply... be yourself.
[ The embrace has relaxed enough that when he drops one arm away to run a self-conscious hand through his hair instead, he now has the other loosely wrapped around her back as he turns out a bit to look out over the view of Somnius again, the stars overhead. ]
Whether you wished for the chance or not, I'm glad that it was given to you either way. You deserve to just be Venat, and I'm happy to have gotten the chance to meet you as her.
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Date: 2024-07-01 05:41 pm (UTC)An excellent counselor indeed! A simple statement to open up a whole world of possibilities and questions I'd not even realized. "A chance to just be Venat," yet who is 'just Venat'? I've no idea, in truth, for the line between the woman and the heart of a primal has had twelve millennia to blur and smudge. And at the same time I wonder it, you are helping me to answer. You are a marvel, you well ought to know that.
[She shakes her head, still breathing soft laughter that treads between mirth and confused delight.]
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Date: 2024-07-02 01:08 am (UTC)Or– he can.
It's been a very long time. ]
I promise there's nothing about this that resembles counseling! I mean every word I say as your friend.
[ You are a marvel, stated so emphatically, like it's a fixed point in the cosmos that Venat knows as well as any other. There's no room left over for him to question or doubt it. The compliment doesn't ping off in deflection; it simply sinks into the very matter of his heart.
They could go back and forth all night – if he's a marvel, then Venat is a wonder, on and on.
Some day. There's no shortage of time for their mutual appreciation circle to run rampant.
For now, Maruki's focused on this dichotomy that Venat is rediscovering within herself. He grins at her and then jerks his head away, back from the cliff's edge they stand so near, toward the clearing of the plateau. ]
Shall we set up our camp? And once we're comfortable, maybe I can ask you to tell me another story you can recall about a time when you were just Venat.
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Date: 2024-07-02 08:21 pm (UTC)I'll see if aught comes to mind that might interest you. Elsewise -- praytell, are you fond of hammocks?
[With a simple line drawn in midair, Venat marshals her creation magic to summon a web of rope, loosely stretched between two trees.]
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Date: 2024-07-03 09:35 am (UTC)[ Maruki looks between the suddenly appeared hammock and Venat, more stunned than he has any right to be. ]
No, wait, I meant– yes, hammocks are great, but–
[ When even was the last time he laid in a hammock?
Matters not, because the real pertinent question finally makes its way out: ]
Is there no limit to what you can create??
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Date: 2024-07-03 07:53 pm (UTC)I possess certain concepts such as my weapons, my robes, camping supplies such as this, Argos... but if you were to ask me to create a rock from my home world, I would struggle mightily at best without a concept. In our time, we had an entire vault, Anamnesis Anyder, that held countless concepts and our full knowledge of all the laws of nature necessary to create more. And so those who wished to accomplish something would obtain a concept from there and refine it, then submit it for review and cataloguing in turn. For living concepts, we had an entire testing field devoted to determining if they were suitable for introduction to the star, or too flawed to be released.
[She has described creation magic enough times that she believes she understands what people wish to know about it -- but Maruki is about to get a little more than most.]
Of course, we have our own limits as well. Each of us possesses more or less aether from which to create. For some, a reasonable sized animal or familiar would strain their limits, while one of the most talented men I knew could conjure an entire city, with simulacra of its inhabitants, without draining himself overmuch. And in turn, many of us could join together to pool our creation magic... or sacrifice ourselves, to create beings that could accomplish what none of us alone could.
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Date: 2024-07-03 10:10 pm (UTC)Still– he does understand. And it's fascinating beyond his wildest dreams. Especially a vault of concepts able to be tweaked and twisted and improved, a testing ground for new variations of life. The scientist in him is deeply appreciative of the concept (ha ha) alone, and the reality bending weirdo in him wishes he could have experienced it too.
But it's that last bit that brings this around to what he already knows. ]
I see...
[ Maruki hangs his satchel up on a tree branch before moving to sit at the edge of the webbed hammock, gently testing its stability. ]
Like summoning a primal, for example?
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Date: 2024-07-04 10:14 pm (UTC)[Venat does not believe it. But she will at least credit that those who said it believed it, or told themselves they did at the very least.]
A magnificent example of accomplishing something through combined magic that no individual could have done alone. Proof, some have said, of the virtue and glory of our kind, that half our number would willingly and gladly sacrifice themselves to preserve the other half.
[Suddenly, almost violently, she shakes her head, then lifts it.] But that is a path down which dark memories and cold thoughts dwell, and those are less suitable for the present time than they might be at others. I find myself speaking so often of our flaws as a people and society that I neglect to mention how wonderful it all was, for century upon century.
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Date: 2024-07-05 08:59 am (UTC)I understand. We don't need to go down that road now, but you know I'll always listen in the future.
[ And then he offers her a warm smile before flopping back into the hammock with a little oof. ]
If there's anything you never do, Venat, it's fail to mention how wonderful anything was. I can tell that you have a deep appreciation for the society you came from, even with all that happened.
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From:hehe we can probably wrap on yr reply so it's done before you go on vacation !!
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