heartofthestar | Labyrinthium Inbox

[ It's a pretty foolish idea, isn't it. He's a foolish man! And the sooner they get going, the sooner the worst part of camping (hiking) can end and the best part (chilling underneath the stars) can begin. ]

Ah, that makes sense – the work is never done, after all.

[ The robes have always made him wonder – it's a little funny that she still wears them in a place like this, but they suit her to the point that he can't imagine anything else. ]

Do you still feel that you play that advisor role here?

[Wearing something else has literally never occurred to her. As well-adjusted and capable as she is, she nonetheless possesses faults, flaws, and oversights in her mentation as anyone else would. Most of them relate to how very, very long certain things have been just that way for her.]

[To answer his question, Venat shares a conspiratorial smile.]

I take joy in helping others, too.

[That ought to explain it, yes? Her role is less formal and less defined than his, but it still can set her apart. She is still an advisor, a source of strength, a mentor, or in a strange case or two a mother figure. A certain sort of distance, certain sorts of lines, exist in that role to maintain it. His contract specifies what remains implicit for her, but still.]

[ on god girl we're getting you a home and some normal clothes

Or not, honestly! Maruki hasn't really adapted to the way of life in Somnius and doesn't expect anyone else to. Medieval style clothes? No. A hobbit hole without simple modern conveniences? No!! They are equally set in their ways in opposite directions. ]

Do you? I had no idea.

[ The conspiratorial smile is returned, his eyes bright with mischief. ]

That much is obvious, at least to me. It's– hah, forgive my sentimentality, but it's a light that you couldn't put out if you tried.

[ And then, quickly, to cover up his own flush at that: ]

So it stands to reason that you get a satisfaction and sense of purpose out of it too. And suddenly, I see where your advice for me came from!

We walk different paths. [Although no sooner does she say that than Venat glances down at the path which they are quite obviously both walking, and shakes her head.] No, we travel the same path with different paces. I find myself taking on the problems that show brightest on the surface. Lost children in caves, people in agony or misery, dangerous monsters, suchforth. While you take to the depths, plumbing the hidden secrets and drawing them to light, fixing countless personal cracks rather than several ones of broader scope.

My purpose is to help mankind. Yours is to help people.

[The sky is gone now, lost behind the thick foliage overhead. The forest's enclosure feels comfortable in a way, well-suited to talks like this.]

To my mind, your work is the more difficult, more dangerous, and more grueling. That is why I admire that you undertake it, and admire even more your ability to do so.

[ Maruki is quiet at that, taking the words in and letting them enjoy the gravity they deserve. The compliment on his work, for once, doesn't fluster. ]

It takes both of us, then. That's one of the first things you said to me – together, we can achieve what we could not alone. I haven't forgotten it.

[ He laughs a little, shakes his head. ]

See, I think what you do is infinitely harder and riskier – and I think you're amazing for doing it. We'll probably always see things that way.

[ It's difficult to feel that he does any good at all, for anyone, especially in Somnius. To Venat's point, while those problems on the surface are no less difficult to resolve, it's more obvious when they are. And to her earlier point, it's the same with a doctor who sets a broken bone. Tangible solutions, visible healing. True heroism, not just sitting in a room listening to people talk.

Maruki grips her hand tighter. While it's easier to talk about these things with Venat, that doesn't make them easy by any means, and he needs the touch to keep himself grounded. ]

I haven't told you why I started down this path of ours, have I?

Edited (words words words) 2024-06-11 21:48 (UTC)

You have not. And I rather suspect it is a very different reason than from why I did.

[Call it intuition, but given what she knows of Maruki, she doubts he could have possibly followed her path -- if for naught else, for the fact that aether seems unknown to him and his world. That would make it quite a bit harder.]

I would welcome hearing your tale. And if you then wish me to speak of mine, I shall.

[ A slow exhale, nothing to do with the hike. ]

Please. I'd really like that.

[ God, where to begin.

The unsettling thing is that, for the first time, he feels like he should truly start at the beginning. Maruki tests that impetus cautiously in his mind. The desire to speak candidly about Rumi and the actual act of doing so are two completely different things. Even with the half-truth he told Akira back at Shujin – the quarter-truth he told Eren here – he'd felt sick for hours afterwards. Up on a cliff, in the woods, he won't be able to cleanly escape the situation, shut himself off in a room. He has to be so, so careful.

He won't tell the whole truth. He can't. But he wasn't lying when he said he's more honest with Venat than anyone, so it starts with a simple disclaimer. ]

Ah, I should tell you up top that this won't be the full story. There are still parts that are too painful to discuss. I hope to be able to share all of them with you one day, but for now...

[ His free hand rubs over his face, up into his hair, the sensation tethering mind to body. ]

At one point, I was actually engaged. Nearly married, if you can believe it. Her name was Rumi.

[ He's thought of her every day in Somnius – spoken obliquely of her on occasion – and this is the first time he's actually said her name out loud. Even just that sends a ripple of uneasy pain through his body. ]

What she saw in me, I'll never know, but we were incredibly happy together for many years. Well, hah– relatively speaking, of course, a few years for me was a blink for you...

[ He's letting himself get distracted. Breathes. Refocuses. ]

It ended up not working out, obviously, but not because of anything either of us did. It's funny how random chance intervenes with fate, isn't it?

It is the nature of life, I fear.

[This is... surprising to hear, in no small part due to Maruki seeming like he wouldn't know how to ask a girl out with a script. But setting that aside, the story makes sense. She can already see the rest of it taking shape -- a tragedy approaching, a cruel separation. Which again makes her wonder why he can tolerate her, for so many reasons. Not just her own power, which served as a potent bulwark against such tragedy, but as someone who set countless people down the same path he himself walked.]

[Her 'larger surface problem-solving' caused untold millions upon millions of cracks that he would have to travel along, patching up, were he in Eorzea.]

But no matter the length of time, happy is happy.

[ That goes a long way toward settling his racing heart. Venat isn't wrong, not at all. That's the exact sentiment that keeps him upright.

He smiles over at her, genuine and warm. ]

True. I wouldn't trade that happiness for anything, even with the pain that came later.

[ Hm. Something to think about later, perhaps.

He turns his eyes back on the path, not wanting another undignified stumble. ]

We were visiting her family when their home was attacked. Like I said, it was just one of those freak occurrences. They were good people, they lived out in the country... There was no reason it should have happened.

[ In his darker moments, he wonders if he brought that bad luck to their door, just by virtue of the work he was pursuing. It's a paranoia that doesn't hold up under scrutiny, but it exists nonetheless. ]

Regardless of all that... It was a botched robbery. Her parents were murdered, and she was attacked. It was lucky that her physical injuries weren't worse, but...

[ Death might have been kinder, in the end.

Maruki's voice remains steady, unshaking, but there is a streak of raw pain running through it, and his hand around Venat's is tighter than he realizes. ]

She never recovered emotionally. The trauma was too severe. We tried to help her, for a long time, but.

[ There's no real end to that sentence. He takes a moment to breathe. ]

Edited (words wORDS WORDS) 2024-06-11 23:16 (UTC)

[She returns the grip with a calm strength of her own, providing support and grounding against the weight of memories. It's a familiar story, sad as she is to say it. It had played out thousands of times, and would thousands of times again. Because of her choices, at that.]

[She's not the right person to help him -- but she's here, which makes her the only one who can help him.]

How long ago was this?

[Not forgotten is his reminder that this isn't the full story. She believes she may have some grasp on what he leaves out, but she will not mention her ideas. Either she is wrong, or she is right, and both are terrible.]

[ The question gives him pause, grounds him just as much as her hand does. Maruki blinks owlishly at her behind his glasses. The strange sensation of being pulled from your own memories and made to orient them in time and space for someone else. ]

Six years ago, or so. One of those things that feels like yesterday and centuries ago at the same time.

[ A beat, and he tries to circle back to his point, his voice heavier than before. ]

Months passed, and she never improved. To make matters worse, my presence only triggered her memories of that night. In the end, for Rumi's own sake... I had to let her go.

[ It's as close to the whole truth as he can get.

A deep breath drawn. He smiles over at Venat again, small and sad, but no less genuine. It isn't a mask. He really does mean this, with all his heart. ]

I was already a cognitive researcher at that point, but what happened with Rumi solidified my life's path. If there was a way to directly address pains of the heart like what she suffered... To understand them the way a physician can understand and heal a broken bone... I wanted to find it. I dedicated all of my research to that pursuit.

[ He shrugs, a little sheepish. ]

In the end, my obsession with that was unhealthy. Counseling was a more effective way to help people heal, so I turned to that.

[ It's–

A relief.

A profound one, actually. He's never felt that way after telling this story. ]

Now you know. That's how I found my purpose.

[Much as she'd envisioned, still compatible with her guesses. Venat stops, then, and turns to face him fully.]

If I am any judge of you thus far, you've not done enough to treat your own wounds from that moment. Might I, then, apply a therapeutic treatment to you?

Oh–?

[ Maruki stops as well, frozen, arrested. ]

I... Well, I suppose I can't argue with you there.

[ He would argue it, normally. Would insist that Rumi was the one who suffered, not him. But Venat always manages to get the measure of him so easily ]

Sure? What are you going to do?

[Rather than give him time to overthink it, Venat releases his hand, steps forward, and draws him into a hug.]

[Venat is not good at hugs. Millennia of isolation to be sure, but even before that, her people were not very big on interpersonal contact in the slightest -- as one might expect from a society where everyone wore robes and masks to diminish their individualism. So her arms are somewhat awkwardly placed, her robes are in the way, and her mask is poking him in the chest.]

[But for warmth, and care, and a terrific strength holding him firmly but not painfully, one couldn't ask for much more.]

I am sorry that happened to you. I can imagine how much it must have hurt.

Ah–

[ It's exhaled in a surprised huff as Venat folds him into her arms.

When was the last time someone held him? It had to have been Shibusawa, after the news about Rumi originally broke. More than half a decade ago, and only briefly, as he was already on the path to alchemizing his despair into fury. He can barely remember it, so much has happened since. Maybe it felt like this. It probably didn't.

It feels–

It's charming, actually, how unpracticed the embrace is. Her arms around his trap them a bit, so that he can't return the gesture right away. But it's such a sincere expression of care, of empathy. Her words strike at just the right angle of his beleaguered heart to make impact; it did hurt. It still does. Daily, it hurts.

When he manages to speak, his voice is mired in that pain that he hasn't let himself feel in far too long, tired and strained. ]

Thank you, Venat.

[ CONFIDANT RANK UP !!

Venat is not good at hugs, but Maruki absolutely is.

He wriggles his arms free, jostling her grip up around his shoulders instead. They wrap around her waist to pull her in tight, the voluminous robes and mask now digging into his chest no deterrence. If he were stronger, and she shorter, he'd actually lift her off her feet a bit. It's that much of a bear hug.

Maruki tucks his face down against her shoulder to rest his head there and breathes, a weak little laugh escaping. ]

Good to know this therapeutic treatment spans realities and millennia too. It's one of my favorites.

I had a sneaking suspicion you might need this. Forgive me for my lack of experience.

[Considering the surprise, or apparent befuddlement, her offer to listen to him in turn had elicited, she further suspects he may have gone somewhat too far -- that helping others as a way to fight back against and control the feelings of loss and pain had overshadowed the other, comprehensive ways one ought to deal with grief. She's very glad she hadn't ultimately agreed to be his patient, but rather his friend, for otherwise she'd never be able to fairly address all this.]

I think I may be starting to like them myself. They seem excellent at giving comfort.

[ Venat is correct on all accounts, more correct than even she knows. It's plainly evident in the gratitude in Maruki's voice, pained and comforted in equal measure.

It's sad, really. How badly he's needed this, for how long. So much of what he's put himself through over the years could have been avoided if he had someone to simply be there the way Venat is – if he had opened himself up to the possibility at all.

It's a strange, beautiful thing to come out of a life held captive in Somnius. He won't take it for granted.

Maruki laughs again, tight in his throat, and shakes his head. ]

Nothing to forgive. I'm glad I can help make up for lost time. There's a lot more I can show you, actually, here–

[ And with that, yeah, he is actually going to try to lift Venat off her feet. He untucks his face from her shoulder, slides his grip up around her back and does his level best to haul her even an inch off the ground. It's ridiculous, and the hardest he's laughed so far in Somnius, some uncomplicated joy seeping into the cracks of an old pain. ]

[Venat is... well, not light. She is tall and built like an athlete. But the joys of physics, and such things as leverage and fulcrums, have her that inch off the ground indeed.]

[She lets out an incredibly un-Venat-like, embarrassing yelp from the sheet surprise of it, because in millennia of life no one has ever done this before. But it is only surprise, which quickly gives way to laughter of her own as soon as she catches her bearing. Hard laughter, the sort that would bend her over were it possible, but at the moment only manages to put more weight on poor Maruki.]

[ Oh, it's the best thing he could've heard. ]

Whoa– hah, hey–

[ Maruki staggers a step backwards as she throws her weight onto him, knees bending a bit as he does to brace his stance against the forest floor covered in strewn leaves. It has the effect of lifting Venat higher, just for a moment, and then with a little oof he pitches forward again to set her down.

He leans back and grins at her, wide and genuine, arms still looped around her back. ]

See? Us mortal humans got at least a couple things right. I'll have to make it a point to keep showing you.

[ With one last pat to her back, he'll let her go, though it's not without some reluctance. They do still have a campsite to get to. And he's suddenly keenly aware of Argos, ever watchful, so Maruki looks over his way brightly. ]

Do you want a hug too?

[Now that she's free, her arms wrap around her, the better to brace herself against the laughter that keeps bubbling up. She cannot believe his impudence! But how delightful to be treated as just another person, in turn.]

[Argos, surprisingly, gets up from where he'd sit to watch the pair, pacing over to Maruki to nose his hand.
This involves some serious bending on Argos's part, so it can't be just a casual gesture. Evidently someone approves of his master's mood at present.]

[ Oh.

Oh, holy shit. He actually curried favor with Argos, even if only temporarily.

Maruki is stunlocked for a good few seconds, wide-eyed smile frozen on his face as he watches Argos snuffle into his hand. When he manages to shake it, he raises it higher so Argos doesn't have to bend quite so much, and gives an experimental scritch under the chin.

He looks over at Venat, still laughing, his own heart light. Another honest statement bubbles up. ]

That's the first time I've told that story and not felt terrible afterward. Thank you, seriously. I mean it.

[ He looks back to Argos, though his question is addressed to Venat. ]

Should we carry on? I do still want to hear your story in return.

We have the good fortune that my story is far more enjoyable to relate, and to hear.

[Venat takes a moment to compose herself, after taking a moment to figure out how to compose herself after being picked up of all things. Then she resumes her pace up the path, smile still radiant.]

The role I first thought suited me was that of a researcher. Organics, specifically, because many questions came to mind as I looked at the world in my youth. What is the true nature of aether? Whence sprung mankind? What begat life in general, in fact -- for it was ever my opinion that we are no different from even inanimate matter at our essence. And so I sought the answers, for some few hundred years.

[ Everything about her reaction is just guaranteeing he's going to do it again, and again, and again. Not least of all that smile.

Maruki sets off with her, immediately taken aback by the idea of Venat in her youth. He looks over at her with a wild little grin. ]

You did tell me once that you were a researcher! I've wondered about it ever since. Nothing beats finding something that sparks your interest enough to chase down every bit of information you can...

[The mental image isn't that different, Maruki! Picture Venat exactly as she is now, except in a black robe.]

I found some answers. And in doing so, I found that the more I learned, the less I knew. Each answer raised more questions, revealed more things I did not understand. And with each new piece of knowledge, I came to understand, more and more, how very miraculous the world is.

[Venat may be looking ahead, but what she sees is her memories, from so long ago.]

Something I learned is that the existence of life is inevitable, under the laws that govern nature. It cannot help but arise, as surely as a dropped ball falls, as surely as the sun rises. Do you see why that makes it so incredible, so miraculous?

[ Just as they discussed earlier, it's the same for both of them – only the scope and scale changes. Psychology and cognitive psience led him to much the same conclusion, on an individual level. Perhaps not life itself as a concept, but everyone's unique lives are amazing miracles.

There's a warmth in his chest that's difficult to pinpoint. ]

That's always been one of the beauties of research, to me. Sometimes you find more meaning in the questions and mysteries that arise than you do in any answers.

[ What he knows has filled many hundreds of thousands of words. What he doesn't know could fill a library. It's why he'll never stop learning. ]

But yes, I do see that. It is incredible, isn't it? Life is a stubbornly resilient thing.

Edited (illiterate....) 2024-06-14 16:36 (UTC)

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wouldn't i love if atlus had a timeline that made sense

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