I... Well, I suppose I can't argue with you there.
[ He would argue it, normally. Would insist that Rumi was the one who suffered, not him. But Venat always manages to get the measure of him so easily ]
[Rather than give him time to overthink it, Venat releases his hand, steps forward, and draws him into a hug.]
[Venat is not good at hugs. Millennia of isolation to be sure, but even before that, her people were not very big on interpersonal contact in the slightest -- as one might expect from a society where everyone wore robes and masks to diminish their individualism. So her arms are somewhat awkwardly placed, her robes are in the way, and her mask is poking him in the chest.]
[But for warmth, and care, and a terrific strength holding him firmly but not painfully, one couldn't ask for much more.]
I am sorry that happened to you. I can imagine how much it must have hurt.
[ It's exhaled in a surprised huff as Venat folds him into her arms.
When was the last time someone held him? It had to have been Shibusawa, after the news about Rumi originally broke. More than half a decade ago, and only briefly, as he was already on the path to alchemizing his despair into fury. He can barely remember it, so much has happened since. Maybe it felt like this. It probably didn't.
It feels–
It's charming, actually, how unpracticed the embrace is. Her arms around his trap them a bit, so that he can't return the gesture right away. But it's such a sincere expression of care, of empathy. Her words strike at just the right angle of his beleaguered heart to make impact; it did hurt. It still does. Daily, it hurts.
When he manages to speak, his voice is mired in that pain that he hasn't let himself feel in far too long, tired and strained. ]
Venat is not good at hugs, but Maruki absolutely is.
He wriggles his arms free, jostling her grip up around his shoulders instead. They wrap around her waist to pull her in tight, the voluminous robes and mask now digging into his chest no deterrence. If he were stronger, and she shorter, he'd actually lift her off her feet a bit. It's that much of a bear hug.
Maruki tucks his face down against her shoulder to rest his head there and breathes, a weak little laugh escaping. ]
Good to know this therapeutic treatment spans realities and millennia too. It's one of my favorites.
I had a sneaking suspicion you might need this. Forgive me for my lack of experience.
[Considering the surprise, or apparent befuddlement, her offer to listen to him in turn had elicited, she further suspects he may have gone somewhat too far -- that helping others as a way to fight back against and control the feelings of loss and pain had overshadowed the other, comprehensive ways one ought to deal with grief. She's very glad she hadn't ultimately agreed to be his patient, but rather his friend, for otherwise she'd never be able to fairly address all this.]
I think I may be starting to like them myself. They seem excellent at giving comfort.
[ Venat is correct on all accounts, more correct than even she knows. It's plainly evident in the gratitude in Maruki's voice, pained and comforted in equal measure.
It's sad, really. How badly he's needed this, for how long. So much of what he's put himself through over the years could have been avoided if he had someone to simply be there the way Venat is – if he had opened himself up to the possibility at all.
It's a strange, beautiful thing to come out of a life held captive in Somnius. He won't take it for granted.
Maruki laughs again, tight in his throat, and shakes his head. ]
Nothing to forgive. I'm glad I can help make up for lost time. There's a lot more I can show you, actually, here–
[ And with that, yeah, he is actually going to try to lift Venat off her feet. He untucks his face from her shoulder, slides his grip up around her back and does his level best to haul her even an inch off the ground. It's ridiculous, and the hardest he's laughed so far in Somnius, some uncomplicated joy seeping into the cracks of an old pain. ]
[Venat is... well, not light. She is tall and built like an athlete. But the joys of physics, and such things as leverage and fulcrums, have her that inch off the ground indeed.]
[She lets out an incredibly un-Venat-like, embarrassing yelp from the sheet surprise of it, because in millennia of life no one has ever done this before. But it is only surprise, which quickly gives way to laughter of her own as soon as she catches her bearing. Hard laughter, the sort that would bend her over were it possible, but at the moment only manages to put more weight on poor Maruki.]
[ Maruki staggers a step backwards as she throws her weight onto him, knees bending a bit as he does to brace his stance against the forest floor covered in strewn leaves. It has the effect of lifting Venat higher, just for a moment, and then with a little oof he pitches forward again to set her down.
He leans back and grins at her, wide and genuine, arms still looped around her back. ]
See? Us mortal humans got at least a couple things right. I'll have to make it a point to keep showing you.
[ With one last pat to her back, he'll let her go, though it's not without some reluctance. They do still have a campsite to get to. And he's suddenly keenly aware of Argos, ever watchful, so Maruki looks over his way brightly. ]
[Now that she's free, her arms wrap around her, the better to brace herself against the laughter that keeps bubbling up. She cannot believe his impudence! But how delightful to be treated as just another person, in turn.]
[Argos, surprisingly, gets up from where he'd sit to watch the pair, pacing over to Maruki to nose his hand. This involves some serious bending on Argos's part, so it can't be just a casual gesture. Evidently someone approves of his master's mood at present.]
Oh, holy shit. He actually curried favor with Argos, even if only temporarily.
Maruki is stunlocked for a good few seconds, wide-eyed smile frozen on his face as he watches Argos snuffle into his hand. When he manages to shake it, he raises it higher so Argos doesn't have to bend quite so much, and gives an experimental scritch under the chin.
He looks over at Venat, still laughing, his own heart light. Another honest statement bubbles up. ]
That's the first time I've told that story and not felt terrible afterward. Thank you, seriously. I mean it.
[ He looks back to Argos, though his question is addressed to Venat. ]
Should we carry on? I do still want to hear your story in return.
We have the good fortune that my story is far more enjoyable to relate, and to hear.
[Venat takes a moment to compose herself, after taking a moment to figure out how to compose herself after being picked up of all things. Then she resumes her pace up the path, smile still radiant.]
The role I first thought suited me was that of a researcher. Organics, specifically, because many questions came to mind as I looked at the world in my youth. What is the true nature of aether? Whence sprung mankind? What begat life in general, in fact -- for it was ever my opinion that we are no different from even inanimate matter at our essence. And so I sought the answers, for some few hundred years.
[ Everything about her reaction is just guaranteeing he's going to do it again, and again, and again. Not least of all that smile.
Maruki sets off with her, immediately taken aback by the idea of Venat in her youth. He looks over at her with a wild little grin. ]
You did tell me once that you were a researcher! I've wondered about it ever since. Nothing beats finding something that sparks your interest enough to chase down every bit of information you can...
[The mental image isn't that different, Maruki! Picture Venat exactly as she is now, except in a black robe.]
I found some answers. And in doing so, I found that the more I learned, the less I knew. Each answer raised more questions, revealed more things I did not understand. And with each new piece of knowledge, I came to understand, more and more, how very miraculous the world is.
[Venat may be looking ahead, but what she sees is her memories, from so long ago.]
Something I learned is that the existence of life is inevitable, under the laws that govern nature. It cannot help but arise, as surely as a dropped ball falls, as surely as the sun rises. Do you see why that makes it so incredible, so miraculous?
[ Just as they discussed earlier, it's the same for both of them – only the scope and scale changes. Psychology and cognitive psience led him to much the same conclusion, on an individual level. Perhaps not life itself as a concept, but everyone's unique lives are amazing miracles.
There's a warmth in his chest that's difficult to pinpoint. ]
That's always been one of the beauties of research, to me. Sometimes you find more meaning in the questions and mysteries that arise than you do in any answers.
[ What he knows has filled many hundreds of thousands of words. What he doesn't know could fill a library. It's why he'll never stop learning. ]
But yes, I do see that. It is incredible, isn't it? Life is a stubbornly resilient thing.
But more than that. [The silly, personal laughter of the lift has faded, replaced by Venat's usual radiance -- shining brighter than usual, as she recalls a time of such pure joy.] If life is the inevitable conclusion of the rules of this universe... then the rules of this universe are such that life is the inevitable conclusion. If but a slim chance existed for mankind to arise, then mankind would be the miracle. Instead, we must look at the mechanism.
[ All told – and as much as he would genuinely treasure the experience – Maruki doesn't need a ride from Argos for his perspective to expand so universally. Talking to Venat has a way of doing that alone. If his mind is not on the individual, then it's on planes of reality; the rules of the universe aren't something he finds himself naturally thinking about, just by virtue of such a mortal, limited worldview.
But he'd like to. He'd really like to begin to consider humanity on that level.
So he looks over at her, takes in that luminous delight that he's coming to appreciate on a new level, and nods. ]
Everything, Maruki. Were any natural law, any rule of matter or energy, the slightest bit different, then we'd have no guarantee to exist. Instead, every fundamental aspect of reality operates in harmony to make our presence here inevitable.
I realized that, sitting there, staring down at my final proof. And in that moment, all my preconceptions and notions of possibility were swept away. [Her eyes are distant again, her gaze up in the leaves above but seeing little of them once more.] And I felt some powerful existence, fate perhaps, had us in its gentle embrace. Infinite, yet intimate. Intimidating, yet reassuring as well.
And in the next moment, I realized how very fragile all creation is. How that slightest difference would have dispelled it all, how absolutely improbable every sight and every sound and every moment of time was.
[ He should focus on the path that they're walking, but he can't help but watch Venat as she speaks so passionately about the very concept of life itself. It's so–
Maruki has always loved philosophical discussions of all kinds, even debates, but it truly is a subject like this that's the one closest to his heart. Ever since he was old enough to understand how improbable it was that human life developed on earth, no matter how much of the science behind it he learned, he never stopped considering it a miracle. Fate, as Venat said, with a guiding hand. ]
In my reality, I once read that the odds of life developing on our planet were one in ten billion trillion. A number I can't even conceive of! It never ceases to amaze me, how much had to go exactly, precisely right for that to happen – and, as you said, how easily it could have all disappeared into the ether if even one thing went wrong.
[ He looks away from her then, up at the sky with its stars peeking out as they exit the tree cover closer to the summit. ]
How absolutely improbable indeed... It makes everything that much more special, doesn't it? Everything. Even the ugly, horrible, painful things.
Just so. No longer did I see the rules as underlying reality -- rather, all was one, the mechanism and the result so profoundly intertwined that to separate them was to lose all sense of both. In that moment, I felt swept away, and all my notions of what is true and possible vanished. If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done.
That very day, I began my travels. To see the world, to hear its voice, feel its breath. Knowing full well that every single thing I experienced was unique, both in that moment and in eternity.
[Even now, so much later and after so much, the words hum with unbreakable joy.]
And though the ugly, horrible, painful things shall come no matter what, each of the ones we live through shapes our lives forever. One needn't rejoice at the pain and suffering one endures, but for the joy and delight that follow.
[She turns back to face him as they emerge from the trees, her smile faintly sad but her delight in all things undiminished despite that.]
If not for the losses and pain we both endured, we would not be here, having this conversation at this time, on this pleasant trail in a beautiful world, beneath the stars. Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now. We cannot know, and wondering about it is rather pointless save for amusement, is it not? Instead, I am glad for this moment, though the road to reach it had its fair share of pain.
If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done. She's right, she likely knows intimately that she's right, but she's also right on a level that Maruki feels deep in his blood and bones and grey matter. Any dream you want can be achieved, he knows it all too well.
But then, by that same token–
Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now.
Any dream you want can be achieved, but you may not want to be the person you had to become to achieve it. He's seen it twice now, been the cause of it both times – you can know, he can be the one to make it so. This isn't the first time regret has begun to percolate in the back of his mind for what he's done, but it is the most significant. As sad as it is to say, he never saw any value in a life with pain until now.
Venat cannot possibly know how significant this conversation has been for him, but some of that open awe and gratitude likely shows on his expressive face. ]
I'm glad too. Really, more than I can say.
[ And then he reaches out and takes her hand again. Not for support on the hike this time, leveling out as they get closer to their destination. Just to hold, with a gentle pressure. ]
I do think about it, sometimes. Whatever confluence of events in my life led to my captivity here... I don't know. Maybe it worked out for the best. Back in our reality, Akechi-kun and I never would have had reason to meet, and he's become someone important to me here. And, of course, I wouldn't have met you. That would make it worthwhile all on its own.
Edited (hhhHH WORDS okay last edit jesus) Date: 2024-06-18 06:27 am (UTC)
[The moment, the realization, the understanding, the sheer epiphany... it had changed her life. In a moment, she had been born anew, remade, refashioned, and repurposed. To share a mere fraction of the impact it had on her is all she can ever ask for.]
[Again, his hand is in hers, and it is odd. Not unpleasant, merely new and unusual. Something she could perhaps get used to, if he continued to do it.]
I do not know if any of it is 'for the best'. Indeed, I think were our lives to take different paths, what we think of as 'the best' would be very different. But I would not trade anything I have now for a different path, of that I am as certain as I have ever been of anything. Every path is painful, after all. But every path is unique, as well.
That very day, I set off on a journey. To travel the world, hear its voice, feel its breath. To see every last miracle, every unique facet of this fragile, wonderful existence of ours. And what I saw was... beautiful.
[Up ahead, the edge of the trail at last. The cliffside, and its overlook across the small, cozy world that is theirs, for now. Venat doesn't run, but she does tug his hand gently, urging him to hurry and come see the view.]
[ Rest assured, this evening has solidified that he is going to continue doing it.
Some days, what he left in Tokyo feels like an even stranger dream than what he's encountered in Somnius. The blood red sky, the manifestation of his own will, the sudden innate understanding of the collective unconscious underpinning everything that they do, and the tools handed to him to begin peeling back those layers of reality and affecting his change.
He still wants to return. He still believes he has important work to return to. But a conversation like this is exactly what is needed to begin to poke holes in that grandiose plan of his. Maruki will need to think on it later, alone, and then again when his powers are finally returned to him – but in this exact moment, what he was about to do, about to become, feels as foreign to him as a story about millennia spent in the aetherial sea first did.
Something in his heart twists. A distortion undoing itself, bit by bit.
He understands what Venat is saying. He even agrees. But for him, this is for the best. He knows it. ]
It's a rare thing, I think, to be able to carve out a path for your true purpose as wholly as you did. I'm so glad you were able to. You really are–
[ Whatever he's about to say dies on his tongue as he's pulled up to the overlook, laughing a little at her eagerness, and then forgetting to breathe at the sight.
The sleepy little town, the businesses, the humble homes, the smattering of castles. Lights still glowing in some of the windows. The labyrinth, dark and endlessly twisting, and the great towering fortress off in the distance, barely visible. The lush greenery of the woods, the expansive night sky. Everything, all of it.
Maruki tips his head up, hand still tangled in Venat's. ]
There's so much light and pollution from the city I live in. This is the clearest view I've ever had of any stars. Wow...
Lands that stretched on forever. Skies one could drown in. The heartbeat of nature, silent yet strong.
[Words she's spoken before. Words she'll doubtless speak again.]
An amidst it all, a people. Beacons of light and life. Laughter that warmed my heart like naught else before.
[She turns slightly, looking at him while keeping the view in her periphery.]
What I learned, then, was my purpose. Traveling was but a mere part of it. For one person seeing life's miracles is nothing, not when so many people are a part of it. And I knew then, so long as they needed help, I could not return to the star. Until I knew they would find their way.
[The sudden blink catches her by surprise, as does her need to life a free hand and swipe away a tear that threatens to escape. She remembers those final moments, after all. The courage, the conviction, the certainty in the words. "We will find our way." What she had fought for, and pressed on for, and believe in, sometimes against all evidence to the contrary. What seemed for a while to be a faint and painfully distant hope, when she was at her weakest, all alone down there in the aetherial sea. The moment till mankind no longer needed Hydaelyn. No longer needed Venat.]
[Her tear is not sadness, nor grief, nor pain. It is an upswelling of so many emotions she has yet to truly grapple with.. and joy is chief among them.]
[ It has never been lost on Maruki, what he first learned of Venat, what started them down this path of their relationship: That she had at last been ready to relinquish her long work and rest, and found herself here instead.
The words settle between them with the gravity the deserve: Until I knew they would find their way. What a profoundly beautiful and painful thing, to finally see that come to fruition, to know that things are set to continue on without you, and to accept the end.
He's watching her, so of course he sees her catch the tear. And there's no part of him that thinks it's a tear of sadness. That wouldn't be congruent with her story. The emotion behind it is likely vast and deep in all its layers and complications.
Venat got the measure of him easily when she saw that he hadn't ever really dealt with the grief of his own story.
If he understands her a fraction as well, then he thinks he understands why that tear might have threatened to fall.
Wordlessly, Maruki turns and folds her into his arms.
He's good at this. Always has been. One of his very few true skills, despite how complimentary Venat is of him. He hooks an arm around her mid-back, squeezing in tight despite the voluminous robes to draw her close, then lays the other higher up, sliding his arm beneath hers. A hand cradling against the back of her head, exceedingly gentle, just enough of a touch to tuck her head into his shoulder.
His voice is quiet, and tender, and absolutely unyielding in how genuinely he means this. ]
Your journey was a long one. You can let yourself feel the weight of that... and of its ending. Feeling it's the only way to eventually release it.
[ A lesson he needs to take to heart too. He will, for once, eventually. For now, he only hugs Venat close. ]
[The gesture, and the words, do their trick -- or at least a trick, for Venat finds herself laughing as she (again, quite awkwardly) returns the gesture.]
I must say, everything went just as I had hoped it would, except for my inexplicable failure to dissipate into the aether as I spent the last energy within my soul. And I must defend myself by saying I had no way to prepare for an event that by all rights should have been quite impossible!
[ It cannot be overstated that the awkwardness is part of the charm.
Maruki laughs along with her – it really is an absurd situation in so many ways, especially when it flies in the face of all that you know about the way the cosmos works, especially when that knowledge is as intimate as it is for Venat.
And then, in the silence that follows, a thoughtful hum. ]
It's a strange thing, isn't it? To get what you've hoped and worked so hard for. Everything works out, and that should wrap it up neatly and tie it off with a nice bow, but so often it only brings up more feelings, more questions.
[ And as for failing to dissipate–
He had asked her, back in that dreamtime Shujin office, if a part of her would have wished to continue living. She was the first person he met who arrived in Somnius after what should have been certain death, or something like it – he's had time to refine that theory since.
Maruki hugs her tighter for a brief moment before relaxing his grasp enough for them to speak comfortably, able to look at one another without being in quite such close quarters, but still loosely held in his arms.
There's a cool breeze up atop the cliff. Sure. ]
This might be a gauche question... Certainly, it seems like something that the people here aren't eager to talk about, so you're welcome to deny me an answer. But what was it that you supposedly wished before gaining consciousness here?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 12:25 am (UTC)[ Maruki stops as well, frozen, arrested. ]
I... Well, I suppose I can't argue with you there.
[ He would argue it, normally. Would insist that Rumi was the one who suffered, not him. But Venat always manages to get the measure of him so easily ]
Sure? What are you going to do?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 12:34 am (UTC)[Venat is not good at hugs. Millennia of isolation to be sure, but even before that, her people were not very big on interpersonal contact in the slightest -- as one might expect from a society where everyone wore robes and masks to diminish their individualism. So her arms are somewhat awkwardly placed, her robes are in the way, and her mask is poking him in the chest.]
[But for warmth, and care, and a terrific strength holding him firmly but not painfully, one couldn't ask for much more.]
I am sorry that happened to you. I can imagine how much it must have hurt.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 01:33 am (UTC)[ It's exhaled in a surprised huff as Venat folds him into her arms.
When was the last time someone held him? It had to have been Shibusawa, after the news about Rumi originally broke. More than half a decade ago, and only briefly, as he was already on the path to alchemizing his despair into fury. He can barely remember it, so much has happened since. Maybe it felt like this. It probably didn't.
It feels–
It's charming, actually, how unpracticed the embrace is. Her arms around his trap them a bit, so that he can't return the gesture right away. But it's such a sincere expression of care, of empathy. Her words strike at just the right angle of his beleaguered heart to make impact; it did hurt. It still does. Daily, it hurts.
When he manages to speak, his voice is mired in that pain that he hasn't let himself feel in far too long, tired and strained. ]
Thank you, Venat.
[ CONFIDANT RANK UP !!
Venat is not good at hugs, but Maruki absolutely is.
He wriggles his arms free, jostling her grip up around his shoulders instead. They wrap around her waist to pull her in tight, the voluminous robes and mask now digging into his chest no deterrence. If he were stronger, and she shorter, he'd actually lift her off her feet a bit. It's that much of a bear hug.
Maruki tucks his face down against her shoulder to rest his head there and breathes, a weak little laugh escaping. ]
Good to know this therapeutic treatment spans realities and millennia too. It's one of my favorites.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 03:40 pm (UTC)[Considering the surprise, or apparent befuddlement, her offer to listen to him in turn had elicited, she further suspects he may have gone somewhat too far -- that helping others as a way to fight back against and control the feelings of loss and pain had overshadowed the other, comprehensive ways one ought to deal with grief. She's very glad she hadn't ultimately agreed to be his patient, but rather his friend, for otherwise she'd never be able to fairly address all this.]
I think I may be starting to like them myself. They seem excellent at giving comfort.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 05:59 pm (UTC)It's sad, really. How badly he's needed this, for how long. So much of what he's put himself through over the years could have been avoided if he had someone to simply be there the way Venat is – if he had opened himself up to the possibility at all.
It's a strange, beautiful thing to come out of a life held captive in Somnius. He won't take it for granted.
Maruki laughs again, tight in his throat, and shakes his head. ]
Nothing to forgive. I'm glad I can help make up for lost time. There's a lot more I can show you, actually, here–
[ And with that, yeah, he is actually going to try to lift Venat off her feet. He untucks his face from her shoulder, slides his grip up around her back and does his level best to haul her even an inch off the ground. It's ridiculous, and the hardest he's laughed so far in Somnius, some uncomplicated joy seeping into the cracks of an old pain. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 07:58 pm (UTC)[She lets out an incredibly un-Venat-like, embarrassing yelp from the sheet surprise of it, because in millennia of life no one has ever done this before. But it is only surprise, which quickly gives way to laughter of her own as soon as she catches her bearing. Hard laughter, the sort that would bend her over were it possible, but at the moment only manages to put more weight on poor Maruki.]
no subject
Date: 2024-06-12 11:34 pm (UTC)Whoa– hah, hey–
[ Maruki staggers a step backwards as she throws her weight onto him, knees bending a bit as he does to brace his stance against the forest floor covered in strewn leaves. It has the effect of lifting Venat higher, just for a moment, and then with a little oof he pitches forward again to set her down.
He leans back and grins at her, wide and genuine, arms still looped around her back. ]
See? Us mortal humans got at least a couple things right. I'll have to make it a point to keep showing you.
[ With one last pat to her back, he'll let her go, though it's not without some reluctance. They do still have a campsite to get to. And he's suddenly keenly aware of Argos, ever watchful, so Maruki looks over his way brightly. ]
Do you want a hug too?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-13 01:25 am (UTC)[Argos, surprisingly, gets up from where he'd sit to watch the pair, pacing over to Maruki to nose his hand.
This involves some serious bending on Argos's part, so it can't be just a casual gesture. Evidently someone approves of his master's mood at present.]
no subject
Date: 2024-06-13 04:24 am (UTC)Oh, holy shit. He actually curried favor with Argos, even if only temporarily.
Maruki is stunlocked for a good few seconds, wide-eyed smile frozen on his face as he watches Argos snuffle into his hand. When he manages to shake it, he raises it higher so Argos doesn't have to bend quite so much, and gives an experimental scritch under the chin.
He looks over at Venat, still laughing, his own heart light. Another honest statement bubbles up. ]
That's the first time I've told that story and not felt terrible afterward. Thank you, seriously. I mean it.
[ He looks back to Argos, though his question is addressed to Venat. ]
Should we carry on? I do still want to hear your story in return.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 01:45 pm (UTC)[Venat takes a moment to compose herself, after taking a moment to figure out how to compose herself after being picked up of all things. Then she resumes her pace up the path, smile still radiant.]
The role I first thought suited me was that of a researcher. Organics, specifically, because many questions came to mind as I looked at the world in my youth. What is the true nature of aether? Whence sprung mankind? What begat life in general, in fact -- for it was ever my opinion that we are no different from even inanimate matter at our essence. And so I sought the answers, for some few hundred years.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 03:07 pm (UTC)Maruki sets off with her, immediately taken aback by the idea of Venat in her youth. He looks over at her with a wild little grin. ]
You did tell me once that you were a researcher! I've wondered about it ever since. Nothing beats finding something that sparks your interest enough to chase down every bit of information you can...
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 03:19 pm (UTC)I found some answers. And in doing so, I found that the more I learned, the less I knew. Each answer raised more questions, revealed more things I did not understand. And with each new piece of knowledge, I came to understand, more and more, how very miraculous the world is.
[Venat may be looking ahead, but what she sees is her memories, from so long ago.]
Something I learned is that the existence of life is inevitable, under the laws that govern nature. It cannot help but arise, as surely as a dropped ball falls, as surely as the sun rises. Do you see why that makes it so incredible, so miraculous?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 04:20 pm (UTC)There's a warmth in his chest that's difficult to pinpoint. ]
That's always been one of the beauties of research, to me. Sometimes you find more meaning in the questions and mysteries that arise than you do in any answers.
[ What he knows has filled many hundreds of thousands of words. What he doesn't know could fill a library. It's why he'll never stop learning. ]
But yes, I do see that. It is incredible, isn't it? Life is a stubbornly resilient thing.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-14 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-06-15 04:36 am (UTC)But he'd like to. He'd really like to begin to consider humanity on that level.
So he looks over at her, takes in that luminous delight that he's coming to appreciate on a new level, and nods. ]
Well? What's the mechanism?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-15 04:13 pm (UTC)I realized that, sitting there, staring down at my final proof. And in that moment, all my preconceptions and notions of possibility were swept away. [Her eyes are distant again, her gaze up in the leaves above but seeing little of them once more.] And I felt some powerful existence, fate perhaps, had us in its gentle embrace. Infinite, yet intimate. Intimidating, yet reassuring as well.
And in the next moment, I realized how very fragile all creation is. How that slightest difference would have dispelled it all, how absolutely improbable every sight and every sound and every moment of time was.
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Date: 2024-06-17 09:11 am (UTC)Maruki has always loved philosophical discussions of all kinds, even debates, but it truly is a subject like this that's the one closest to his heart. Ever since he was old enough to understand how improbable it was that human life developed on earth, no matter how much of the science behind it he learned, he never stopped considering it a miracle. Fate, as Venat said, with a guiding hand. ]
In my reality, I once read that the odds of life developing on our planet were one in ten billion trillion. A number I can't even conceive of! It never ceases to amaze me, how much had to go exactly, precisely right for that to happen – and, as you said, how easily it could have all disappeared into the ether if even one thing went wrong.
[ He looks away from her then, up at the sky with its stars peeking out as they exit the tree cover closer to the summit. ]
How absolutely improbable indeed... It makes everything that much more special, doesn't it? Everything. Even the ugly, horrible, painful things.
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Date: 2024-06-17 02:06 pm (UTC)That very day, I began my travels. To see the world, to hear its voice, feel its breath. Knowing full well that every single thing I experienced was unique, both in that moment and in eternity.
[Even now, so much later and after so much, the words hum with unbreakable joy.]
And though the ugly, horrible, painful things shall come no matter what, each of the ones we live through shapes our lives forever. One needn't rejoice at the pain and suffering one endures, but for the joy and delight that follow.
[She turns back to face him as they emerge from the trees, her smile faintly sad but her delight in all things undiminished despite that.]
If not for the losses and pain we both endured, we would not be here, having this conversation at this time, on this pleasant trail in a beautiful world, beneath the stars. Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now. We cannot know, and wondering about it is rather pointless save for amusement, is it not? Instead, I am glad for this moment, though the road to reach it had its fair share of pain.
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Date: 2024-06-18 06:17 am (UTC)If it could be imagined, I felt, it could be done. She's right, she likely knows intimately that she's right, but she's also right on a level that Maruki feels deep in his blood and bones and grey matter. Any dream you want can be achieved, he knows it all too well.
But then, by that same token–
Had things gone differently even the slightest bit... perhaps we would be happier. Perhaps we would be very different people from who we are now.
Any dream you want can be achieved, but you may not want to be the person you had to become to achieve it. He's seen it twice now, been the cause of it both times – you can know, he can be the one to make it so. This isn't the first time regret has begun to percolate in the back of his mind for what he's done, but it is the most significant. As sad as it is to say, he never saw any value in a life with pain until now.
Venat cannot possibly know how significant this conversation has been for him, but some of that open awe and gratitude likely shows on his expressive face. ]
I'm glad too. Really, more than I can say.
[ And then he reaches out and takes her hand again. Not for support on the hike this time, leveling out as they get closer to their destination. Just to hold, with a gentle pressure. ]
I do think about it, sometimes. Whatever confluence of events in my life led to my captivity here... I don't know. Maybe it worked out for the best. Back in our reality, Akechi-kun and I never would have had reason to meet, and he's become someone important to me here. And, of course, I wouldn't have met you. That would make it worthwhile all on its own.
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Date: 2024-06-19 08:02 pm (UTC)[Again, his hand is in hers, and it is odd. Not unpleasant, merely new and unusual. Something she could perhaps get used to, if he continued to do it.]
I do not know if any of it is 'for the best'. Indeed, I think were our lives to take different paths, what we think of as 'the best' would be very different. But I would not trade anything I have now for a different path, of that I am as certain as I have ever been of anything. Every path is painful, after all. But every path is unique, as well.
That very day, I set off on a journey. To travel the world, hear its voice, feel its breath. To see every last miracle, every unique facet of this fragile, wonderful existence of ours. And what I saw was... beautiful.
[Up ahead, the edge of the trail at last. The cliffside, and its overlook across the small, cozy world that is theirs, for now. Venat doesn't run, but she does tug his hand gently, urging him to hurry and come see the view.]
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Date: 2024-06-19 09:55 pm (UTC)Some days, what he left in Tokyo feels like an even stranger dream than what he's encountered in Somnius. The blood red sky, the manifestation of his own will, the sudden innate understanding of the collective unconscious underpinning everything that they do, and the tools handed to him to begin peeling back those layers of reality and affecting his change.
He still wants to return. He still believes he has important work to return to. But a conversation like this is exactly what is needed to begin to poke holes in that grandiose plan of his. Maruki will need to think on it later, alone, and then again when his powers are finally returned to him – but in this exact moment, what he was about to do, about to become, feels as foreign to him as a story about millennia spent in the aetherial sea first did.
Something in his heart twists. A distortion undoing itself, bit by bit.
He understands what Venat is saying. He even agrees. But for him, this is for the best. He knows it. ]
It's a rare thing, I think, to be able to carve out a path for your true purpose as wholly as you did. I'm so glad you were able to. You really are–
[ Whatever he's about to say dies on his tongue as he's pulled up to the overlook, laughing a little at her eagerness, and then forgetting to breathe at the sight.
The sleepy little town, the businesses, the humble homes, the smattering of castles. Lights still glowing in some of the windows. The labyrinth, dark and endlessly twisting, and the great towering fortress off in the distance, barely visible. The lush greenery of the woods, the expansive night sky. Everything, all of it.
Maruki tips his head up, hand still tangled in Venat's. ]
There's so much light and pollution from the city I live in. This is the clearest view I've ever had of any stars. Wow...
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Date: 2024-06-19 10:14 pm (UTC)[Words she's spoken before. Words she'll doubtless speak again.]
An amidst it all, a people. Beacons of light and life. Laughter that warmed my heart like naught else before.
[She turns slightly, looking at him while keeping the view in her periphery.]
What I learned, then, was my purpose. Traveling was but a mere part of it. For one person seeing life's miracles is nothing, not when so many people are a part of it. And I knew then, so long as they needed help, I could not return to the star. Until I knew they would find their way.
[The sudden blink catches her by surprise, as does her need to life a free hand and swipe away a tear that threatens to escape. She remembers those final moments, after all. The courage, the conviction, the certainty in the words. "We will find our way." What she had fought for, and pressed on for, and believe in, sometimes against all evidence to the contrary. What seemed for a while to be a faint and painfully distant hope, when she was at her weakest, all alone down there in the aetherial sea. The moment till mankind no longer needed Hydaelyn. No longer needed Venat.]
[Her tear is not sadness, nor grief, nor pain. It is an upswelling of so many emotions she has yet to truly grapple with.. and joy is chief among them.]
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Date: 2024-06-19 11:38 pm (UTC)The words settle between them with the gravity the deserve: Until I knew they would find their way. What a profoundly beautiful and painful thing, to finally see that come to fruition, to know that things are set to continue on without you, and to accept the end.
He's watching her, so of course he sees her catch the tear. And there's no part of him that thinks it's a tear of sadness. That wouldn't be congruent with her story. The emotion behind it is likely vast and deep in all its layers and complications.
Venat got the measure of him easily when she saw that he hadn't ever really dealt with the grief of his own story.
If he understands her a fraction as well, then he thinks he understands why that tear might have threatened to fall.
Wordlessly, Maruki turns and folds her into his arms.
He's good at this. Always has been. One of his very few true skills, despite how complimentary Venat is of him. He hooks an arm around her mid-back, squeezing in tight despite the voluminous robes to draw her close, then lays the other higher up, sliding his arm beneath hers. A hand cradling against the back of her head, exceedingly gentle, just enough of a touch to tuck her head into his shoulder.
His voice is quiet, and tender, and absolutely unyielding in how genuinely he means this. ]
Your journey was a long one. You can let yourself feel the weight of that... and of its ending. Feeling it's the only way to eventually release it.
[ A lesson he needs to take to heart too. He will, for once, eventually. For now, he only hugs Venat close. ]
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Date: 2024-06-21 01:45 pm (UTC)I must say, everything went just as I had hoped it would, except for my inexplicable failure to dissipate into the aether as I spent the last energy within my soul. And I must defend myself by saying I had no way to prepare for an event that by all rights should have been quite impossible!
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Date: 2024-06-23 08:21 am (UTC)Maruki laughs along with her – it really is an absurd situation in so many ways, especially when it flies in the face of all that you know about the way the cosmos works, especially when that knowledge is as intimate as it is for Venat.
And then, in the silence that follows, a thoughtful hum. ]
It's a strange thing, isn't it? To get what you've hoped and worked so hard for. Everything works out, and that should wrap it up neatly and tie it off with a nice bow, but so often it only brings up more feelings, more questions.
[ And as for failing to dissipate–
He had asked her, back in that dreamtime Shujin office, if a part of her would have wished to continue living. She was the first person he met who arrived in Somnius after what should have been certain death, or something like it – he's had time to refine that theory since.
Maruki hugs her tighter for a brief moment before relaxing his grasp enough for them to speak comfortably, able to look at one another without being in quite such close quarters, but still loosely held in his arms.
There's a cool breeze up atop the cliff. Sure. ]
This might be a gauche question... Certainly, it seems like something that the people here aren't eager to talk about, so you're welcome to deny me an answer. But what was it that you supposedly wished before gaining consciousness here?
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From:hehe we can probably wrap on yr reply so it's done before you go on vacation !!
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